I had another thing to do

I literally typed in that title to explain why i had nothing up yesterday, then all hell broke loose here because there’s a snowpocalypse coming and when you work at a hospital that’s a big fucking deal and all of a sudden I had to call everyone and collect all this information and run reports and it was almost like I mattered! Anyway, that’s my excuse. Now I think I’ve done everything I was supposed to except I probably haven’t. I am supposed to be off in 15 minutes but I doubt that will happen.

You know what I need to figure out how to do? Post a damn picture. As you can see, this website does not in any way look pretty like it used to, but in the last 5, 6 however long years my husband has gotten hella important at his job and can’t sit around and make my website look good. Also back a million years ago (I’m just going to go with a million, ok) most people read this shit on a computer and now everyone reads it on a tablet or phone and my original format was set up for a computer. So nothing fits or it looks stretchy or whatever. Anyway, someday it will look better. And hell, I don’t even write it on a computer anymore; I use my iPad with my old lady keyboard.

You know, a few months ago, we (Tim) decided to replace our ancient laptop so we got all fancy and bought a Mac. I HATED IT. Why oh why would you make an Apple product without a touch screen? Everything else I own with that fruit on it has a touch screen! I’d sit there and try to do something by poking the screen and he’d mumble, “Not a touch screen, not a touch screen.” And I finally said, “I DON’T WANT THIS THING!” And promptly went out and spent a million dollars on a new iPad and a keyboard case and realized, oh those fuckers wanted me to do this. We gave the Mac to Holly, sold her Mac back to Apple or someone, and went out and bought a Dell or something WITH A TOUCHSCREEN. And I never use it because I have my iPad with my old lady keyboard.

Hey did I tell you guys that after I flunked Jenny Craig I decided to start doing Pilates at a fancy studio full of old ladies like me? I hate it! But I like it! It’s nice to do something non impact. I have a pacemaker now so I can’t do tough cardio. I can do a little cardio, but I am not allowed to let my heart rate go over 140. That’s high-ish, but I know for a fact that when I used to do the elliptical my heart rate was always 140-150. Honestly, I don’t know what will happen if it goes over 140, like if I’ll drop dead or what. My heart ailment is a mystery to me.

Somewhere between when I left that old HORRIBLE FUCKING job, and started my new, nice job I began getting winded, coughing and having vertigo and balance problems. The symptoms were worst in the morning and went almost completely away after 10:00 a.m. Of course, being the hypochondriac I am, I was convinced I had lung cancer, or COPD or something like that. I went to every doctor, my family doc, a GI doc (everyone ALWAYS thinks it’s acid reflux), my psychiatrist (it’s ALWAYS anxiety, unless you’re a man, yeah I said it) a pulmonologist, and the pulmonologist threw up her hands and sent me to a cardiologist. I tried to do a stress test and ended up throwing up and getting a splitting headache, so that was dramatic. I had to go back and try it again, and the same thing happened, so they did the view of my heart some different way and everything was fine there, but they noticed something on the EKG and sent me to an EP. He told me I had a Level 3 Heart Block, and had to draw a picture and I still don’t understand it. But I guess basically, you know how your heart actually beats twice? Once up top and then once down below? Like baDum, baDum whatever? Well my ba doesn’t talk to my DUM 30-40% of the time which is not optimal, as I understand it. So they put in a pacemaker to make it right. I was thrilled because I thought my problems were solved! But they weren’t. I don’t know what the symptoms of a heart block are, but I didn’t have them. I guess it was asymptomatic, except for the fact that I could have dropped dead. I still had the vertigo, the cough etc. So I was convinced by everybody it was anxiety so I took drugs and finally after almost passing out a few times and walking like a drunkard I figured out ON MY OWN that one of my crazy meds has a side effect of vertigo and balance problems and I was taking that pill twice a day, once in the morning, right before work. So I quit taking the morning one and I was cured of the vertigo and trouble breathing. GODDAMN THAT MADE ME MAD. Yes, I’m an anxious person, yes, this is a realllly bad time to be anxious, but GODDAMN. I even called my psychiatrist and asked if anything I was taking could cause these symptoms and she said no, with a side of eye roll. My actual therapist was the one who told me that this drug, Lamictal, causes that shit and ugh. I still cough sometimes, but I’ve noticed when I take an over the counter allergy pill, it goes away and then I remembered that a million years ago (like 25 years ago) I went to an allergist and got one of those scratch test things and I clearly remember her smiling and pointing at a really itchy one and saying, “There’s your dog!”

I’m fucking allergic to my dogs. The ones who lay all over my bed and couch and clothes and whatnot. Anyway.

It wouldn’t be my journal if I didn’t wax poetic over my health. I still need to talk about Pilates but I’m done for today. Bye xoxo


  1. Pilates is the ONLY exercise I enjoy doing. I think it’s the anticipated tension of when I’m going to launch myself off the reformer or get tangled up in the straps.

  2. I just love reading little rants like this. Makes me feel normal. I need to come up with my old lady exercise routine. I joined a gym in the summer during the 3-4 weeks when people were getting vaccinated and we thought we had covid beat. Hah. It’s been a few years since I went to a gym and it was apparent I needed to change a few things, and then covid got worse and people weren’t wearing masks or keeping any kind of distance and I had to quit going. I need to get back to it (maybe in March?) and figure it out. Thanks for writing!

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