I have the hiccups

Let’s talk about something that isn’t horrible and whatnot. How about camping! No, hold on, it’s relatively interesting.

It’s glamping, first off. There is no way in any kind of hell that I would sleep in a tent on the ground. Unacceptable and not fun. I mean, sure. Most campgrounds have bathrooms and showers, but just no. It’s fine if you’re a rugged sort and like that kind of thing, it’s just not for me.

Tim, you know what? I just can’t with the Paco. When I texted him to set this thing back up, he asked me to clarify what I was going to do, like start brand new or put the old one back up and just continue or what, and I was emphatic. “I don’t want to see the old entries ever again.” And I mean that. My first entry was in October of the year of our lord 2001. That was twenty years ago and while I may have been amusing and whatever, god I was pretty racist and stole things from tv shows and said really dumb things and it’s just embarrassing. I don’t want to be reminded. Of course I told him to save it for when I’m on my deathbed and want to relive the past, but otherwise nah. Oh, funny thing, in my boutique snark board, one of my beloveds who scans Reddit for insulting content about our enemies, mentioned that I was brought up in some thread? Subreddit? Fuck, I can barely manage Tiktok, so whatever, I was mentioned and there was a random “What ever happened to her?” Like, for real, that is a question I ask myself everyday, but anyway, somebody responded and said they still followed my Facebook or Twitter or something and I was still around and still amusing, and something about how I was better for having settled down and matured. I HOOTED. YA THINK??? It’s been twenty years! Great observation! I hope it wasn’t someone reading this, but you know, congratulations – that was kind of condescending and good for you. I’ve matured, you see.

Back to camping, so a couple, three or four years again, time doesn’t exist, Tim asked me if I would be willing to agree to buy a camper and do some of that for recreation. I actually was in favor, which is pretty amazing because he and I have some disagreements about vacations. So we went and bought this teeny tear drop camper that was so cute and soooo small. But even so, it was fun. We camped in it a few times and then I said, “Ok I like glamping but let’s get something bigger because I can’t hack this size.” We decided to sell it and then buy a new one.

Surprisingly, people fought over it. We sold it for more than we paid for it (it was super cute) and I felt really bad for the people who bought it because I knew they were going to regret it immediately, but that’s just me. So then we went on a cruise real quick, and then..COVID.

You know how at first it wasn’t that worrisome, like wear a mask and stuff and it’ll be gone quickly? We went ahead and bought a new trailer that was exactly what we wanted and we got it before people realized oh shit this is the only kind of vacationing we can do and the prices on RVs went through the roof.

It has been the best thing. We’ve camped all over and when I say “camped” I mean I have binged Handmaid’s Tale at campgrounds all over Kansas and then sat outside and drank coffee while playing Happy Color. Somewhere along the line we decided we might like to hike, so after one try in regular sneakers (Big Mistake) we bought hiking shoes and it went much better. We also bought a teeny vintage boat that we zoom around in at all the Kansas Reservoirs (there’s like one real lake in Kansas I think). We went to Colorado for a week and that was so fun, though driving all the way across Kansas is a unique kind of hell.

I’m pro-glamping! You should look into it! I mean, if you can figure out all the sheer mechanics of it all. The black water and the gray water and the regular water and the hitches and the blocks and all the rest of the shit. I couldn’t hook that thing up at a campsite if you paid me.

I think I’m going to go get some M&Ms. Next time I’ll talk about how I flunked out of Jenny Craig!!

6 comments

  1. I want to do this sooo bad but I need an assistant and my husband wants no part of it. And by “assistant” I mean someone who will do all the work. I borrowed a friend’s camper van last summer. It was older and needed some TLC but mostly in OK shape. Thought I would love it and I haaaated it. Partly due to weather/circumstances but also it just wasn’t right for me. Now I want to look at newer nicer camper vans because maybe something more expensive would be just right!

  2. I love a nice-ass hotel room and resorts and all that but even *I* like camping! Maybe because it’s the only vacation-y thing we did as kids (we basically never left our shitty town except for school events—contrast that with MY kid’s jet-setting life as a club soccer player FTLOG). I would totally glamp in an RV but I hate driving and also don’t know how to do any of the shit you mentioned, so yeah. I think that’s what appeals to me about cruising. It’s incredibly low maintenance. Ava and I are now “diamond” members or whatever on Royal Caribbean because we’ve cruised so damn much.

    My stepmom died in Oct and my dad keeps threatening to buy an RV and park it down here for the winter. GREAT.

  3. You make it sound awfully tempting … but I worry that then I wouldn’t want to travel anywhere else. Hello first world problems! If I had an RV and a second home in the Hamptons, however would I fit in my sojourn in Europe???

  4. Actually it’s good to see you back. I junked my “blog” for similar reasons, but I’ll likely never go back. Still, it’s good to read yours. I remember you used to be Internet-tight with some cat lady and less-bitchy-than-me type, but yours was the only url I actually remembered enough to check in with periodically.

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