I don’t want to do titles

Hello again.

I know blogs aren’t a thing anymore but they should be. Maybe I’ll bring them back (unlikely). The Kids don’t read long things, which is good. I don’t want The Kids reading anyway. I’m talking about The Kids in general, not my kids, you understand. But I don’t want them reading either.

They are so grown. It’s ridiculous. I think some of the reason I junked my blog was because I couldn’t talk about them anymore. I was so afraid of them reading it. I have since understood why, other than the obvious. I can go into that later.

Sometimes when I lie in bed at night waiting to go to sleep, I write blog posts in my head. And I get so excited about telling someone but there’s no one to tell. I don’t feel like my husband listens to me half the time (he knows). And I don’t have other friends. It’s true. Covid took away my best friend Jessica, no good god she didn’t die, but I mean..both of us are the type who have trouble maintaining friendships and when you can’t go to each other’s houses and you can’t meet at bars or restaurants, what is there to do? Text, I guess. And we do, sporadically. I am friends with my coworker but we don’t do anything outside work. We could, I guess. I don’t have the energy.

Hey, remember when I was funny? I’ll get there, I promise.

I don’t remember when I last wrote. I know I worked at Sprint, which was at least 5 years ago, and it was SO BORING and gross because I was waxing pious and judgmental about AA. I don’t go there anymore. I didn’t drink for years, and after I found out awful things about my group, dick pics and suicides and rapes and lies, I quit. I lived the principles for a while without the group but then I had a White Claw at a tailgate and didn’t end up in jail, in the ground or in a hospital. I now drink in moderation, which I should have looked into in the first place, before becoming a cult member who exaggerated her condition to get kudos. Yeah, I did that.

I will write until this is 40 internet pages long. I have so much to say. I am so unhappy. I am sick and tired of anxiety and ADHD and depression and isolation and anger. Aren’t we all?

WELL THIS WAS FUN, EH?? Let’s definitely do this again! I can tell you about how horrible I feel and you can comment that you feel horrible too and that will help. It really will. I love you guys and I’ve missed you.

Jane

13 comments

  1. Glad you’re back. I still give you credit when I can see out of the abyss long enough to realize, “It will get better. It always does.”

  2. It feels strange to comment with YAYYYYYYY when your last line was about anxiety and exhaustion and isolation and all the things that have (and continue to) suck so much but YAYYYYY I’m so happy to see a blog post from you. Can’t wait to hear more and commiserate.

  3. Ok, I said I was going to read all of the posts before I commented but I LIED.

    I am your friend! Gotdamnit! A friend is when you message someone on Twitter because you can’t be bothered to find your last email chain and then that person messages you RIGHT BACK even though you haven’t spoken in ages and then watches a dumbass show that you told them to watch and ANYWAY. Also I’ve basically adopted “Texxie” as my username across the multiverse (blech) and that’s because of you!

    Titles were my favorite thing about writing my blog! xoxo

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