I went back and read a bunch of my posts (because I’m a narcissist or something) and now I feel like I have to answer questions in the comments that I didn’t answer. But FIRST OFF. I want to thank Gretchen and Danks for commenting on every single post. You are the wind beneath my wings.
Someone who isn’t Gretchen or Danks asked me about ADHD, and yeah, when I fired my long-time psychiatrist and got a new one, she did all this testing and confidently diagnosed me with Bipolar II and ADHD. Then she said, “We’re not going to treat the ADHD, but it’s good to know.” Don’t ask me why we’re not treating the ADHD. I have no idea and I never asked. I do know it was a relief to know that was what it was. My WHOLE LIFE, literally, I felt like something was “off” and it was good to know why. I never did well in school, despite being “smart.” I never finished projects. I “forgot” to turn things in or show up somewhere important and I shouldn’t put quotes around forgot, because I actually did. I have so many memories of fucking things up like that. I couldn’t hold on to friendships and I got bad grades and made impulsive decisions that had really dire consequences that lasted my whole life. I can’t tell you how many times I have yelped, “Shit! I forgot!” Once I made a lunch date with a friend and it completely disappeared from my mind and about a year later I heard from him again and I suddenly said, “Did I forget a lunch date with you?” And he said, “Yup.” Can you imagine? I just didn’t show up and what’s worse, I didn’t even remember. I obviously didn’t call and apologize. Ugh.
So there’s that. Back in my day, no one would have imagined I had ADHD, it wasn’t even much of a thing. Sometimes you heard of a boy (it was always a boy) who was “hyperactive” but I wonder if it was just a boy being a boy and the female teacher didn’t like it. Anyway. I’ve developed a ton of coping skills like alarms and more alarms, and post-it notes but I still fuck up quite a bit, at work and at home. I burn things, like things I’m cooking, and I burn myself a lot because I do things too fast with items like curling irons and regular irons and I miss things at work that I should have noticed, but somehow the awareness that there’s a real reason and I’m not stupid or otherwise impaired helps.