I went to the gynecologist today for my yearly thing. I like her a lot – she seems to care and she really isn’t connected to cancer at all, so I don’t associate her with being afraid to die. Well, except for the time she tried to take a sample of endometrial tissue and I thought I would die because it hurt so damn bad. Turned out my lady parts were scarred shut so I [...]

I am really glad Tim and I decided to start managing our money the Dave Ramsey way but you know, there is no such thing as “Financial Freedom.” If you decide to follow the Ramsey program, you are in a BOX FOREVER.  Even if you save up a jillion dollars, you still have to be obsessive about where every cent goes. We are still jacking around with our decision about the flooring. Greeley casually strolled [...]

Yesterday all the parents at Holly’s school got this STRANGER DANGER!!11!!1 email because some guy was driving slowly down the street and asked  some middle school girls who were walking home if they’d seen his dog.  He apparently had a business card he wanted to give them so they could call if they saw the dog. They refused to walk up to the car to take it, so he tossed it out the car window. [...]

I watched “The King’s Speech” last night and found it to be quite good.  I was surprised by how much I liked Helena Bonham Carter. She usually bugs my shit, but I must reluctantly admit she was delightful in the film. I have a stammer I didn’t even know I had, until I GOT CANCER and found myself unable to speak at doctor’s appointments so I felt sorry for the poor guy. Well. Not that [...]

You know, for someone who has a kid with sleep problems, I have made some dumb decisions about said kid’s evening activities. On Wednesdays she has epic cheerleading practice from 5:45 to 9:00 pm and doesn’t get home until 9:20 or so. She’s always hungry and thirsty and totally hyped up from exercising for three hours so she can’t sleep. Last night she was still awake at 11:30 when we turned off the lights and [...]

I need to circle back on some subjects: 1. The butter bell. OMGYG – I love it. I am a convert. BUTTER IS DELICIOUS.  Also, I cannot believe I actually made a dietary decision based on blog commenters’ margarine condemnation.  You bullies. I was amused at the comment in that entry urging me to try the Paleo Diet. HAHAHAHAHAH. I know you meant well, honey, but any diet that promotes meat over fruits and vegetables [...]

I was on the elevator today with a man whose glasses were so dirty they grossed me out. I have just recently started wearing my glasses pretty much all the time, so I also wondered how he could even see. I stared at him so long he got weirded out and stared back pointedly. Oops. Social faux pas. I remember when I worked here years ago, I had tons of elevator stories. Remember the gal [...]

Finally! A decent NaBloPoMo Writing Prompt! Tuesday, November 8, 2011 Has anything traumatic ever happened to you? Describe the scenes surrounding a particular event. However, I devoted 17,000 entries to this already, so I’m screwed as usual. I had cancer! The end. I’ve been watching Wheel of Fortune tonight, something I rarely do because I HATE IT. Seriously, people are so stupid. THE NEW YORK PHILH_RMONIC. “I’d like to buy a vowel.” REALLLY??? Also I [...]

I went back and released all my entries since the day I found out I had breast cancer (April 2010). Enjoy! I guess? Last night Tim and I were lying in bed reading our respective books (Game of Thrones-me; By the Shores of Silver Lake-him) and as usual we were expecting Holly to come out of her room at any time because she STILL does not reliably go to bed and stay in bed. Sometimes [...]

You know, I hate to be an asshole, but really, BlogHer? What kind of writing prompt is this: Friday, November 4, 2011 When you are writing, do you prefer to use a pen or a computer? Computer. …. Why don’t they come up with some really juicy ones, like “If God told you to kill one person, who would it be?” “No one’s looking and you really want to kick your cat, do you do [...]

I get my best ideas for blog topics when I’m lying in bed waiting to go to sleep.  I never remember these great ideas the next day, so it’s kind of like a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it.  Did the ideas ever really exist? God knows. Oh, sure, I could put a pad of paper by the bed. Quit being logical on me. I’ve been going back and reading [...]

Okay, fine, Crabby Commenter.  We are not technically debt-free. We still owe on our mortgage.  I feel like that’s still an achievement, personally. We owe nothing on cars, credit cards, student loans or anything other than our house bought with any means of financing.  Feel better? I was talking to someone this morning (and by “talking” I mean “texting”) about the Ramsey emergency fund and she was laughing hysterically at the idea that one could [...]

Dave Ramsey tried to use his powerful manly karma to kill our washing machine this weekend, but HAHA we bought a new one AND a dryer without using our emergency fund, you evil genius. Did I ever share the Dave Ramsey Twitter debacle? Do I need to remind everyone who Dave Ramsey is? Dave Ramsey writes books about money and has a program called Baby Steps (or something) that a lot of people (including Tim [...]

  One thing I didn’t expect about being the mother of a girl is the degree to which I would become overinvolved in my daughter’s business.  I mean, sure, I was up in Elliot’s grill to a degree, but not like I am now. I have to save myself! To wit: Overinvolvement, the first: Last night after the final football game of the season was over, the cheerleading squad does a special performance of their [...]

More Holly notes!   I asked her what the deal was and then took great enjoyment at her explanation, which was “Dad always comes in here and opens the blinds after I go to school then when I come home and go to my room to change (into her second outfit of the day which usually consists of a teeny tank, inch-long shorts and flip flops NO MATTER THE SEASON–ed.) I end up having to run [...]

In process Today Elliot moves into his college dorm room. Yeah, I’m not going to do a drippy, sappy post wherein I talk about how I’m NOT GOING TO CRY and then I cry and how he’s SUCH A FINE YOUNG MAN AND I’M SO PROUD OF HIM* and then make myself barf and you guys too.  I do love him, but not any more than I loved him yesterday or will love him tomorrow. [...]

My anxieties about Holly’s play were completely unfounded, because she was fantastic. She was so good that Tim and I were sitting there with our mouths hanging open going, “Where did this come from?”  I know that makes us sound like assholes who don’t pay attention, but truly, I had no idea. The last time I saw Holly do any performing that required speaking was at her theater camp and she seemed unprepared and her diction [...]

Oh my god, Elliot got a B in the college math class he took this summer at the community college!  I don’t think I’ve been more proud of him in his life.  I was worried about him, considering he was stuffing a whole semester’s learning into eight weeks and he has traditionally sucked at math. He got As and Bs on all the tests and he completed every homework assignment. I don’t know what his grade [...]

Today is Elliot’s 18th birthday.  My son is an adult.  When I started this blog ten years ago he was just a little kid, younger than Holly. Weird.  Anyway, happy birthday, son. You’re a great adult. So okay, the weirdest thing happened today.  But I’ve got to give some background first. Thursday night I watched this documentary about that woman Diane Schuler who drove the wrong way on the Taconic Parkway in New York and [...]

I thought the heat broke momentarily this morning to make way for a thunderstorm, but no, I opened the back door right after it rained and Christ on a crutch.  It was like someone up there heated up the water before sending it down. Sheesh. I retreated back indoors and decided to look up Scandinavia on Google since I’m Facebook friends with a Beautiful Swede and there’s been all this talk of Norway and my mom told [...]

Elliot and his girlfriend went to a water park yesterday and he sunburned the bejesus out of himself. I was baffled.  He even asked me yesterday morning for some sunblock that was “SPF Jew” which doesn’t even make sense as a joke, but he thought it was funny so I gave it a courtesy laugh and handed him SPF 50. FYI: his tendency to burn is definitely from his gentile DNA. His father’s people are a swarthy, [...]

So yesterday was my boss’s last day and until I get a new one, I answer to NO MAN! Technically. During the transition period I actually report to a woman, sort of, but it makes me feel all fierce to declare myself boss-less. I took a longish break because I was so annoyed with disagreeable commenters, but it seems like most of you have gotten it out of your systems. I get it. I’m a hater. [...]

Well. I guess when long-time commenters get fussy with me for my opinions I should move on. But keep in mind – if my mission was not to bore you people, I wouldn’t have talked about cancer for a year. A few of you have asked what’s up with my work situation. My boss resigned, that’s all. This doesn’t portend anything dire for me, except that, you know, they could hire an asshole or someone with [...]

Shall I write an earnest essay about Dooce being a crazy ass and whatnot? Since my soon-to-be former boss may be reading this I do kind of want to bore him to death so he stops and I can quit feeling like I’m walking around with my skin off.  But I also tend to rile up some of you good folks when I discuss my views on Heather Armstrong, because you insist on yelling at [...]

You know, I hardly enjoy any blogs any more. Some of my favorites (Texxie, Lex what’s with the “x” theme) don’t update very much, oh I know who the hell am I to talk, and the rest of them I read solely to snark, oh I know (insert withering snooty tone here) WHY DO YOU READ THEM IF YOU HATE THEM and if you don’t know the answer to that I don’t want to know you and [...]

Look at my comment explosion! Love you guys, even if some of your reactions were inexplicable to me.  Really? I’m supposed to be “nicer” about turning someone down for lunch? As I told someone lately, if you’ve read this journal for any amount of time, you should know better. And besides, one of my pet peeves is equating “mean” with “assertive.” I wasn’t mean. I just told the truth in a direct way. People shouldn’t [...]

Ugh, my mood is just shot right now.  Tell me what you think: I go to lunch in the hospital cafeteria most days. I intentionally sit in a “bar” area, where I face the wall and have my back to the rest of the place, because frankly? I have been smiling and saying “Good morning!” and “May I help you?” and other variations on polite, friendly interactions for the whole morning and I don’t want [...]

We had tornadoes warnings galore yesterday. When you work in a hospital, it’s kind of a big deal. When you work in a hospital one week after another hospital got torn apart 150 miles away, it’s an even bigger deal. When you have THIS view from the parking lot? MASS CHAOS!! That’ll make even the most blasé native Kansan run like hell, shrieking “What are we doing out here??!!1111” Yes, 1111 shows in a little [...]

Oh my god in heaven, I am already sick as shit of “Swimsuit Confidence Week.” Look at you! You’re “brave” enough to show the world you look bad in your swimsuit! Guess what? Everyone looks bad in a swimsuit! And no one gives a crap! I sure as hell look saggy and hairy and white and scarred and not one bit like a model. And I do not care, because not one person is looking [...]

Thanks for all the Facebook friend requests! I love you and want to be your friend! Even if your political beliefs run counter to mine and your life is overly dramatic! ESPECIALLY if your political beliefs run counter to mine and your life is overly dramatic. I love it when people do passive aggressive things like reproach family members or passive-aggressively bitch about ex-husbands and whatnot. I’m not crazy about Farmville updates and shit like [...]

So, Elliot’s prom turned out fine. I have a ton of pictures on Facebook, but for those who aren’t my friend (and that’s on YOU not me – I love you all and want to be your friend on Facebook): He actually had tickets, picked up a corsage, met me for pictures – I was impressed. He’s such an adult. How do you handle that?  Elliot and Taylor are peas in a pod. I suppose [...]

I guess something about me has changed. I don’t think I’ve ever just abandoned my journal for this long, but damned if I had any motivation or interest in updating it so I went with that feeling. I am sort of tired lately and feel like just being.  When I have free time I want to sit on the couch and play Every Word on my Kindle or Solitaire on my phone. Admittedly, I’ve never [...]

I guess it’s going to be impossible to just breeze past my upcoming cancerversary.  I had hoped to just get the hell over it and be philosophical, but the way the light falls, the way the temperature feels, the way the road looks as I drive home from the hospital where I work and where I found out, eh. It brings it back. And of course Holly’s birthday.  God, I regret that association.  Were it [...]

I had a good time at Weetacon last weekend. It was the first trip I’ve taken by myself since The Rigmarole and I had a dream the night before I left where I was all alone in a hotel room and missed Paco so much I cried, but that didn’t happen in real life. Sorry, Paco.  Actually, he was a bit grossed out when I told him about that dream and commented, “That’s kind of [...]

Questions from the comments: Girlfriend: NO, the girlfriend is not the photographer! That girl broke up with her boyfriend about two months ago and Elliot suddenly, without warning, for no reason whatsoever, decided that oh, by the way, we’re not just friends I want to be your boyfriend please. And she was all, “I don’t know…I can’t decide…I need time,” which as most women know means, “I don’t like you that way but I don’t [...]

I’m sorry I haven’t followed up on the Elliot conversation. I have a job, fuckers! Plus I made the worst, most awful, hideously embarrassing mistake at work last Thursday and it caused me to fall into a pit of despair. I know nobody’s perfect and everyone makes mistakes, but this was just stupid and far reaching and…ugh. I am just now getting over it.  You would all be proud of me – I didn’t pull [...]

Today Mr. Friendly and I have an “appointment” to talk to Elliot about how he sucks and we are pretty sure he’ll fail at college. Oh, okay, that’s overly dramatic but that’s how it feels. Elliot was admitted to the University of Kansas a while ago. The bar for that is pretty low if you’re a Kansas resident: either a high school GPA of 2.0 or an ACT score of 21. Elliot made both of [...]

Housekeeping item: if your name is Kim and you have an old email account that starts with alabama_mnk, be advised: that email account has been hacked and is sending spam like nobody’s business.  The last time you emailed me from that address was in 2006, so I’m assuming you have a new email. Or I suppose you may have stopped reading me, and if that’s the case this is a waste of time and I’m [...]

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because a) I am not a goal-oriented person and b) if something’s worth doing, you ought to do it right then. The only reason I’m starting yoga so close to the New Year is I decided to do it in November and the next session started in January. I bought me a mat and emailed the instructor to play the cancer card (it’s good for three more months, fuckers) [...]

Ah, a tiny comment war! It’s just like the old days! Amy, I appreciate you – thin skin and all. I like positive, upbeat people, truly.  Thank you for your alleged defense of me on other sites who made fun of someone with cancer. Those people must be just as klassy as I am. Let me know who they are, because I think I might like them. As far as my I LOST WEIGHT gloating, [...]

Oh my GOD, bring on the self-involved “summing up 2010″ posts!  I just read the worst one ever and feel so judgey right now I am almost, but not quite, ashamed of myself. Apparently the A-listers are doing a thing where they sum up their year in one word and not one of them asked for suggestions from the peanut gallery. Buzzkill. Damn, those comment sections would have been highlarious. Suggestions for various A-list blogs [...]

Texxie and  -R- did an annual Airing of the Grievances in honor of the holidays or quote Festivus endquote or whatever and not to be a bitch, but hey Twitterers? You know that Festivus is from a show from like 15 years ago, right? Why is Festivus still a thing? That’s not a grievance, though. Here are my grievances and yes, I am a total copier. #1. The Candy. In my position, I receive a lot [...]

I appreciate comments that I’m not boring. Of course, I got three comments that I’m not boring and then a vast silence so…I’m going to assume I AM boring but I don’t care.  As always, I write what I’m thinking about. It’s going to be hit or miss. Talk about boring – now I’m going to write about cats! Oh, by the way another thing that’s changed about me since The Thing is I can’t [...]

The coffee can Roald Dahl is the funniest damn thing I’ve ever heard of. I don’t know why I know this, but Roald Dahl was a complete asshole when he was married to Patricia Neal. He was very emotionally unavailable, apparently. I don’t know why that would surprise anyone, given the themes of his books, but…uh. Okay, why am I outlining a college term paper on the symmetry between Roald Dahl’s personality and Willy Wonka? [...]

Hmph. Too much cat detail, MY ASS. Actually, you guys may be right about the cat details, you may be wrong about the cat details, that’s not the issue, really. My problem is Holly got graded down on her paragraph because of something I did. She wouldn’t have put anything in there about the cat, had I not suggested it. I screwed up that paragraph, not Holly, and that upsets me. This is why I [...]

I am in charge of is Holly’s homework and backpack checking. Fourth grade, as some of you may know, is when these kids almost always get thrown into letter grades and homework and projects and such.  Holly is an industrious sort and does quite well and thank god for that since the other kid I have fell completely apart academically in 4th grade and has never recovered.  Holly always has a handle on what is [...]

O! How I love you judgmental, advice-giving motherfuckers!  Also the non-judgmental, advice-withholding fuckers!  I do get a kick out of all of you saying I’m too hard on myself. I hear that all the time and I just don’t get it. It must be something about my tone or else you all just feel sorry for me, because I really don’t feel like I’m being “hard” on myself. I’m just annoyed because it seems to [...]

Like I said in that Twitter over there, I have spent the morning feeling like I’m in a fight with someone. I keep picking at it like one of my battered fingernails. But I’m not in a fight with anyone. I feel upset in Holly’s general direction but I can’t figure out why it’s coming out like I’m mad or in a fight, though. How about I give you nice people a chance to give [...]

I am feeling sort of sad and crappy today and as I said on Facebook, it’s my head’s and Dankie’s fault. I dreamed two dreams last night (that I remember). In one I was driving in my car and I looked in my rearview mirror and I had a lovely head of short, reddish-brown hair and I was so happy. I dream about having hair a lot.  The hair in my dreams always shows up unexpectedly [...]

Hey! I must be back to normal because god damn am I annoyed right now and it has nothing to do with cancer. Well, a little bit to do with cancer.  Okay fine. When you have cancer, you try not having it work its way into everything you do. I know my daughter has had a hard time these last few months. I mean, I guess she has. She never says anything and most likely [...]

Considering I went like a year without updating more than about twice a month, I was quite surprised when Paco informed me about a month ago that I was approaching 2,000,000 page visits. Ah, cancer. You make my journal sparkle. I don’t really have 2,000,000 readers. I just like to put it that way, so the person who wins the Easter Egg gets a title. Also, there’s my ego. So I will repeat what I [...]