Holly’s cheerleading competition was apparently a cheerleading exhibition which is wayyy better because we didn’t have to hang around all day for awards. I had not seen their routine before Sunday because I am one of those mothers who idles in the parking lot playing solitaire on my phone, but after seeing the exhibition, I have come to the following conclusion: cheerleading is dangerous! Jesus H! Holly was like 15 feet in the air half [...]
Archive for the ‘Exercise sux’ Category
FOOT
Tuesday, February 21st, 2012Short
Friday, February 17th, 2012I’m leaving early today so I can get home and put on Holly’s whorish make up for her cheerleading competition dress rehearsal, which is at 4:30. Way to respect the working mother, KC Cheer. Oh, I also have to put her hair in big round sausage curls using this bizarre curling iron that is all barrel and no clamp. And of course there’s a bow. I don’t even want to talk about the bow. What [...]
Shut up
Thursday, February 16th, 2012Can we talk about Hoarders and Intervention? No, don’t run away, ye folks who don’t watch these shows! Start watching! Well, unless you have a weak stomach, because DAMN this season there are some FILTHY-ASS houses on Hoarders. God. There was this one lady whose toilet stopped working so she decided to just start wearing diapers and she SAVED THEM AND THE SHIT INSIDE THEM. There was another lady whose house smelled so bad family [...]
I try
Monday, February 13th, 2012Wow, I thought I was sick of Adele hysteria…until Whitney Houston died. It’s so bad I may stick to the classic rock radio station for a while and I hate classic rock. Grammy musings: Paul McCartney needs to let his hair go gray. He just looks silly. He’s like the richest man in the world, but he looks like he buys his hair dye at the drugstore. I am sooooo old, but I was touched [...]
Invention
Friday, February 10th, 2012No letters from sad Plain Janes today. I wonder if there was something in a particular episode that spurred L/Iulia, Laura, Hanen and Kenza to write. But rest assured if I get more letters I will advise my ass off. I love giving advice because I’m always right. It’s hard to be me. Holly called me right after school last Friday and announced that her craft project Invention had been chosen for the District Science [...]
Fight
Wednesday, February 1st, 2012Here’s what I have to say about the Komen mess: I am disappointed in the Komen Foundation for withdrawing their grants to Planned Parenthood. But, I refuse to countenance any remarks that imply Komen doesn’t care about women. Of course the Susan G. Komen Foundation cares about women – they have done more for a disease that overwhelmingly affects women than any charitable foundation ever. Yeah, they kind of suck lately, and I don’t like [...]
Give up and walk
Monday, January 30th, 2012Paco and I were living it up at Applebees last night (SHUT UP DANKIE! Obviously you’ve never had French Dip Sliders. You just don’t even know.) and after we ordered I told him I feel like I have all these problems. I feel like I drink too much. I feel like I obsess about food and my weight too much. Other embarrassing worries on which I remain silent because anybody and their sister can read [...]
Lost
Thursday, January 26th, 2012Last night I got lost in Hallbrook. Hallbrook is this fancy neighborhood about 300 yards from my house. I like to say to people, when they ask where I live, “You know where Hallbrook is?” and their eyes get all wide and then I go, “Well, I live in the poor neighborhood just south of it.” And then they usually get mad at me. It amuses me. One of the girls on Holly’s epic cheerleading [...]
(TWSS)
Monday, January 23rd, 2012Yeah, I didn’t live up to my promise to update this weekend. I HAD SHIT TO DO, OKAY? Man, since I started updating regularly I have been doocecapping it up, old school. Oh well. That’s how I do. So. After literally years of me bitching and guilting and moaning, we finally decided to get our house recarpeted. Yes, I know some of you are hardwood floor fans and I guess I am too, but look. [...]
Tanning my cheeks
Friday, January 20th, 2012You know what bugs me? Articles in the news media about how expensive coffee is and how much money consumers spend on coffee and always using a daily Starbucks run as something one could cut out to save money and comparing the price of various things to your daily cup of fancy coffee. Go fuck yourselves! COFFEE IS LIFE! By the way, if your budget is so precarious that $3.50 a day is going to [...]
Las Vegas has flak (flack)
Thursday, January 12th, 2012Apparently there’s a Facebook page devoted to some Bald Barbie nonsense, and Mattel is taking flack (flak? I just didn’t make the blog spelling bee) for not mass-manufacturing one. I have a strong opinion on this subject, since I have been bald from cancer treatment (did I mention I HAD CANCER?). My bottom line? I bet you a thousand dollars it’s not the bald people requesting the Bald Barbies. I bet it’s the fussbudget family [...]
eyeroll
Wednesday, January 11th, 2012Holly’s spelling bee word? MATRIMONY. What in the holy hell? I have to believe that the teacher didn’t actually say, “They have matrimony in Las Vegas,” because if so? I need to put Holly in private school. But honestly, even if Holly got the sentence wrong, how would you make up a sentence for kids integrating “Las Vegas” and “matrimony?” There is lots of matrimony in Las Vegas? Matrimony. Las Vegas haz it? What happens [...]
Sheets and Giggles
Monday, January 9th, 2012So…am I to understand that the majority of you folks disapprove of margarine? I mean, there’s a ton of it in the stores- somebody must be eating it. I don’t buy the kind with transfats because my cancer class dietician told us that you just can’t eat transfats, ever, if you hope to be healthy. She explained what they were and now I’ve forgotten exactly but it was something about the molecules being modified to [...]
Sparkle
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012Lessseee, the deal with Elliot. Lots of comment questions. (I LOVE comment questions because I don’t have to think up things to write). My dear Miz S asks: Look, does Elliot have a, you know, CONDITION or something? Executive function disorder or some shit? OH HONEY. You don’t even know how many times I’ve wondered that. But even if he does, the only thing he could do to mitigate it at this point is use [...]
