Who am I?

This is a profound question and, please. I am not that deep. “I am a RIVER, that runs DEEP. Over ROCKS. So you can drink up my soul! Only maybe you ought to boil it first. Uh..never mind.” Whatever. Here’s some info, though I feel kind of ridiculous and pretentious providing it. If you have any other questions, e-mail me – jane@plain-jane.com. I always write back, because I’m polite that way. Oh, and because people ask sometimes: I do my entries in WordPress and somehow it ends up on a server that we host on our own Dell server in our stinky basement, utilizing uh…something about Apache Tomcat or shit like that. What I’m trying to convey here, is don’t ask me how this journal happens, because I don’t know. It happens for the same reason planes fly and matches light: MAGIC!

Name: Jane. And I am, in fact, plain. So that’s a good thing. I’d hate to be a dichotomy.

Born: 1962 in El Paso, Texas. That makes me <ugh> whatever age I am right now (I can’t be bothered to update this bio every year). And emphatically NOT Texan. I have lived in Kansas most of my life.

Husband: Tim/Paco. Paco is not his real name. This confuses people, because I use my childrens’ real names. He just likes being called Paco.  Yeah, he’s a lot younger than me. Wanna make something of it? And though there are many things about him that I would like to extol, he wouldn’t like it if I put something mushy here.

Children: Elliot (18) and Holly (10). Yes, there’s a large age difference there too. See above reference to much younger husband.

Ex-husband: Mr. Friendly. But don’t expect any drama there–we get along fine. Plus he reads this journal, heh.

Famous last words: “I’m never having any more children” – Me, 1994

Pets: Two cats, Greeley and Kevin. Do not expect a bunch of cat stories.

Career: I was an Executive Assistant for seven years for two bigwigs: GTB (Globe-Trotting Boss) and Mrs. Ed. In January 2004 I was laid off, so I decided, after working my whole life, to stay home with my children. Cue the wacky hijinx, uncertainty, mistakes and boredom. After a year I got tired of that and went back to work. Now I’m an Executive Assistant again.

Things I like: My Chemical Romance (Gerard, call me!), Kindle, caller i.d., Hollywood gossip, really hard crossword puzzles, Rushmore, Survivor, House, Glee, all things Kardashian.

Things I don’t like: Cat barf, cat hair and cat shit, television commercials that make men look like buffoons who can’t take care of a child or make dinner, and the usuals: bigotry, ignorance, human suffering. And farting.

Smartest thing I ever did: Marry Paco. <awww>

Dumbest thing I ever did: Wasted my college education and got bad grades. I found out that it really does matter later. But good luck convincing your children of this.

Things I’d rather not hear ever again in my life: “Me, Tarzan! You Jane!” “You kept your maiden name? Why?” “Bitch Bitch Bitch You’re Such An Incompetent Rotten Husband Bitch. KLOVEYOUBYE.” “Smile!”

Important things you should know: I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer in April 2010. Someday it won’t define me, but right now I talk about it a lot.

Comments are closed.