WATERYDecember 6th, 2012
Day two since I got my face burned and it’s going along fine. I did have Paco take a “before” picture yesterday, because I intended to show how it progressed and whatever but then I saw the picture and went, oh excuse me some haggard old woman got in front of the camera, send this to Photobomb and take another one. He kindly informed me it was me and I told him to quit LYING and anyway. No pictures. You don’t want to turn to stone, I assume.
It’s so funny how when I look in the mirror I think I look young for my age and happy and whatever, but in photos I look like I just witnessed a plane crash. I mean, I know I’m 50 years old. It just surprises me that I look it.
They weren’t kidding about the sun being a bad thing. I used my Michael Jackson/P. Diddy golf umbrella when I went to the car for lunch, but eschewed my hat because y’all know how I hate hats, and god damn the sun coming in the windows of the car made my face sting like crazy. I was driving like a maniac trying to get home before I burst into flames. JESUS.
On the way back from lunch I not only wore a hat, but I hung my scarf over the top and sides like I was a character in Grey Gardens. THE SUN IS EVIL. DAMN IT FOR KEEPING OUR WORLD ALIVE.
Just in case I wasn’t clear, I don’t have skin cancer. I don’t even know if I ever will. I do have these things that SOMETIMES turn into non-deadly skin cancer. Paco’s the one who had a basal cell carcinoma removed at age 35. He spent summers driving riding lawn mowers around in manly muscle shirts, burning the shit out of his shoulders. My dad recently had a melanoma removed (he’s fine – he caught it early, had his lymph nodes checked and everything, nothing spread, prayze the lawd, etc.) and he’s been dogged by basal right and left for years, so I decided, okay. Time to go get the skin looked at. It would be raaaather ironic if I went through all this shit with breast cancer and then died from melanoma. That would seriously piss me off.
Kismet, I did see the new data about taking Tamoxifen for 10 years. I figured that was coming, since my oncologist had mentioned me taking something for seven years. I need to ask her whether I have to take Tamoxifen specifically for eight more years (god! EIGHT MORE YEARS jesus), or if I can take any hormone inhibitor. I’m cool with taking whatever, though. Tamoxifen has some side effects that worry people, like risk of blood clots and uterine cancer, so I’d kind of rather take something else but! Anyone who’s had breast cancer gets that sinking feeling in their stomach when they read stuff that says you can have a recurrence like 15 years later. I hate hearing that, because they always tell you five years is “cured,” and that’s apparently bullshit. So at least they’ve found something that lowers that kind of long term risk.
The study actually changes everything when you think about it, because most of the survival stats for breast cancer are for five year survival. That oncotype score I got was based on taking Tamoxifen for five years and still being alive. Is there going to be a new standard now? Who knows. I don’t know. Paco is in charge of statistics.
In case anyone cares, I have discovered the ingredient in sunblock that causes the burny eyes – it’s titanium dioxide. See, on the advice of Twitter, I bought this BB creme, which is tinted moisturizer with special…junk in it that makes you look awesome, but after I used it for a few days, I had to throw it away because it made my eyes burn. Fast forward to this morning, when I used the super-mega sunblock the dermatologist gave me, Neutrogena Sensitive Skin 60 SPF, and my eyes are a mess. It contains titanium dioxide which is the best thing ever, apparently, except it makes your eyes burn and water. Neat. Watery eyes, swollen red face, I look like Alfred Hitchcock all up in here. Well, without the belly.