WATERY
December 6th, 2012Day two since I got my face burned and it’s going along fine. I did have Paco take a “before” picture yesterday, because I intended to show how it progressed and whatever but then I saw the picture and went, oh excuse me some haggard old woman got in front of the camera, send this to Photobomb and take another one. He kindly informed me it was me and I told him to quit LYING and anyway. No pictures. You don’t want to turn to stone, I assume.
It’s so funny how when I look in the mirror I think I look young for my age and happy and whatever, but in photos I look like I just witnessed a plane crash. I mean, I know I’m 50 years old. It just surprises me that I look it.
They weren’t kidding about the sun being a bad thing. I used my Michael Jackson/P. Diddy golf umbrella when I went to the car for lunch, but eschewed my hat because y’all know how I hate hats, and god damn the sun coming in the windows of the car made my face sting like crazy. I was driving like a maniac trying to get home before I burst into flames. JESUS.
On the way back from lunch I not only wore a hat, but I hung my scarf over the top and sides like I was a character in Grey Gardens. THE SUN IS EVIL. DAMN IT FOR KEEPING OUR WORLD ALIVE.
Just in case I wasn’t clear, I don’t have skin cancer. I don’t even know if I ever will. I do have these things that SOMETIMES turn into non-deadly skin cancer. Paco’s the one who had a basal cell carcinoma removed at age 35. He spent summers driving riding lawn mowers around in manly muscle shirts, burning the shit out of his shoulders. My dad recently had a melanoma removed (he’s fine – he caught it early, had his lymph nodes checked and everything, nothing spread, prayze the lawd, etc.) and he’s been dogged by basal right and left for years, so I decided, okay. Time to go get the skin looked at. It would be raaaather ironic if I went through all this shit with breast cancer and then died from melanoma. That would seriously piss me off.
Kismet, I did see the new data about taking Tamoxifen for 10 years. I figured that was coming, since my oncologist had mentioned me taking something for seven years. I need to ask her whether I have to take Tamoxifen specifically for eight more years (god! EIGHT MORE YEARS jesus), or if I can take any hormone inhibitor. I’m cool with taking whatever, though. Tamoxifen has some side effects that worry people, like risk of blood clots and uterine cancer, so I’d kind of rather take something else but! Anyone who’s had breast cancer gets that sinking feeling in their stomach when they read stuff that says you can have a recurrence like 15 years later. I hate hearing that, because they always tell you five years is “cured,” and that’s apparently bullshit. So at least they’ve found something that lowers that kind of long term risk.
The study actually changes everything when you think about it, because most of the survival stats for breast cancer are for five year survival. That oncotype score I got was based on taking Tamoxifen for five years and still being alive. Is there going to be a new standard now? Who knows. I don’t know. Paco is in charge of statistics.
In case anyone cares, I have discovered the ingredient in sunblock that causes the burny eyes – it’s titanium dioxide. See, on the advice of Twitter, I bought this BB creme, which is tinted moisturizer with special…junk in it that makes you look awesome, but after I used it for a few days, I had to throw it away because it made my eyes burn. Fast forward to this morning, when I used the super-mega sunblock the dermatologist gave me, Neutrogena Sensitive Skin 60 SPF, and my eyes are a mess. It contains titanium dioxide which is the best thing ever, apparently, except it makes your eyes burn and water. Neat. Watery eyes, swollen red face, I look like Alfred Hitchcock all up in here. Well, without the belly.
I hear you on the age thing. I think I look ok in my bathroom light, but then catch a glimpse of myself in my car window and freak out. Yee-ikes! That chick looks like 5 miles of bad road and oh, yeah. That’s me. Tragic.
Good luck with the face peeling. Adding this to my list of Things I Should Probably Do. You’re like my mentor for middle-aged activity. (No offense.)
I hate the burny eyes with sunscreen. If my face/forehead sweats even a little bit, it’s like my eyes are on fire. Which sucks ass in the summer.
jesus the 50′s are the decade of falling facial muscles… or maybe failing is the word. all i know is i entered my 50′ looking like a person and i think i will exit them looking like my face is melting into my neck/chest/etc. save now for the neck lift… it will be worth every dime. but i hear they are not cheap..
…but in photos I look like I just witnessed a plane crash”…that made me laugh out loud.
I’m so so happy that you are updating daily!
Jane, you don’t look 50. Hand to GAWD.
SHIT I bought that damn BB cream and I just knew it would irritate me in one way or another. I haven’t opened it. Maybe I should return it? I end up using nothing but cleanser on my overly sensitive but crappy 53 year old skin. Still get the Oil slick on the T-Zone and the cheeks are dry! I hate the wattle that is forming (my pork hides it some) and the puffiness around the eyes that I liked to think was allergies but I’m sure is permanent now. My 11 is super deep too. Oh well. I avoid the outdoors a lot. I’m not great about sunscreen. I should be. My skin is not ultra pale but I do burn first,
My neighbor who was stage 3b took Tomoxafen for eight years and stopped a couple of years ago. Her cancer is back. She lost a lot of weight this past year. She was not fat to begin with. Her stomach was bothering her. She had tests done and thought it was her gall bladder. They didn’t do an endoscopy or colonoscopy for way too long IMHO. They found breast cells in her stomach (very rare -two cases per year worldwide she was told) and she has a mass on her colon. It is all inoperable. She is back to chemo-two types and she said it is not as bad as what she did ten years ago. I think the gastro guy screwed up. Dr. Google said a breast cancer survivor with stomach problems should be tested ASAP. Her doctor is in my gastro’s group. I won’t ever see him and wonder if I should look for a new group. Anyway it seems like they are learning things all the time and maybe she is a prime example that 8 years is not enough? She is on another estrogen inhibitor now. Her prognosis is unclear. I feel like it is all a crap shoot anyway. My cousin with pancreatic cancer outlived a friend with a slow growing tumor by eleven months. The friend had MD and the chemo killed her. My husband’s cancer is rare and can be deadly. We just pray it doesn’t come back. It sucks because the rare ones have very little research behind them. Cancer just sucks period.
So are we all over 50 here??? I am also in the group thinking we look like normal people in the mirror, and my bathroom lighting is not even flattering. I would like somebody to explain that phenomenon, please!
Just wanted to let you know that my grandmother had breast cancer when she was around 50. She had a double mastectomy but no chemo. She went on to die in her mod eighties fr pneumonia! So it does happen that breast cancer can go away an NEVER come back. Not saying I know the specific type she had ect ect but hey-it was a positive outcome I wanted you to know about. : )
Peace
Alicia
Well if you won’t post the before face pics you could at least show us the Hitchcock ones
I am glad you don’t have strong negative feelings about the drugs, aside from the reason for having to take them to begin with. Attitude is everything.
You brighten my day.
~K!
BTW, I’ve already stolen “lazy lights” and used it condescendingly. As you do.
I can use sunscreen and BB, but that Avon Anew that everyone RAVES about? Makes my skin bubble up.
Who makes this BB cream of which you speak (write)? My skin is tough as nails and if it’s supposed to make me look awesome I need to get on board! Plus my regular plain old tinted miosturizer is almost empty so I need to replenish anyway – might as well get the latest and greatest.
If you’re looking to buy a face sunblock that’s pretty much sting free you might try http://www.beautywithoutcruelty.com/item.php?item=045175 (for the record I hate the effin name but I’m allergic to Paraben and a bunch of other stuff and as a 50+ natural redhead I wear the stuff every day. And a hat. And yes, I own a parasol!) You can usually find it on Amazon.com and a tube does last quite awhile. It’s also pretty much scent free which is why I ended up sticking with it because I hate perfume or parfum or whatever other word manufacturers use to mean “stinks to high heaven.”
Heyy my name is racha .iam from morrocco . Rabat . I have 16 years . And i want to change my look .plz help (i have passeport ) .