(TWSS)
January 23rd, 2012Yeah, I didn’t live up to my promise to update this weekend. I HAD SHIT TO DO, OKAY?
Man, since I started updating regularly I have been doocecapping it up, old school. Oh well. That’s how I do.
So. After literally years of me bitching and guilting and moaning, we finally decided to get our house recarpeted. Yes, I know some of you are hardwood floor fans and I guess I am too, but look. I live in a 1970s house. Hardwoods were out of fashion when it was built so there is nothing under our carpet except…shitty particle board or something (Paco will correct me, I’m sure). The cost of putting in hardwoods is prohibitive. I mean, seriously, like $20,000. If I’m going to add $20,000 to the value of my house that I’ll never get out of it in a sale, it’s going to be on an extra bathroom or a finished basement.
Shit, man, just carpeting the whole house is incredibly expensive. I almost cried when we got the bid. True, we picked out really nice carpet but still. My perspective is skewed. My house is bigger than I think because the floor plan is fucked and carpet prices are deceptive. You see a tag that says $3.89/yard or whatever and it seems so cheap and then they start bitching about stairs and carpet pads and labor and furniture moving and before you know it the price is more like $500/yard.
Paco was especially reluctant about carpet because of the cats. We held off while LB was alive because she barfed on the floor daily. Then we held off because of Dave Fucking Ramsey. Now we have the cash in our hot hands and suddenly Greeley is spraying.
I KNOW. Fucking cats! Poor old Greeley is getting old and confused and when it gets super cold outside, he won’t outside to do his daily marking so he does it inside. He has TWICE peed on both Paco and me as we sat in chairs. For god’s sake.
But what are you gonna do? Greeley’s 15 or so and he limps and he’s a weirdo who drools when you pet him and I love him so we are just going to have to suck it up. I bought him a heated bed for the garage so he will be more willing to go out there when it’s cold. HE LIKES THE GARAGE, okay? He has water out there and such and when he’s in the house we will just watch him like hawks. The way I look at it (to keep from crying) is that we’d have Greeley even if we already had nice carpet and we’d figure out how to deal with it.
My sister-in-law is an interior designer (a real one, with a college degree and everything, not one of those people who buy brightly colored trendy shit off the internet and stencil dandelions on the walls and then take pictures of it with expensive cameras) and my brother-in-law is an architect (he designs sports arenas, but that doesn’t stop him from having an annoying ability to visualize the best design for all dwellings) and so we get all sorts of great advice, which always confirms my suspicion that I have truly execrable taste. When my sister-in-law pointed toward the classiest color of carpet, I hesitantly pointed toward the color of my dreams, a dusky green, and she said, “Honey, no.” And when we told the architect we were getting new carpet, he smiled benevolently and said, “But what about your walls and those ceiling beams?” and I was like, “NOOOOOOOOOO,” and he said, “That would be a better investment than carpet. Just keeping it real.” So now we’re tearing down our oak paneling and ceiling beams.
I’ve never had a house that looked like anyone other than a college student lived there, so I’m fine with advice.
I am happy to report that Holly has not regressed back to throwing her stuff on the living room chair. The other day her coat was there briefly, so I walked into the kitchen and said, “Where is that Barbie you got for keeping the chair clean?” and she ran like a rocket to get the coat.
Running shit: I did Week 3 Day 2 on Saturday, when it was 23 degrees. Paco and I had been doing errands earlier in the day and froze our asses off so I was going to go to the gym and run on the track but a) I made the mistake of using the thermometer as a guide instead of, like, my SKIN. “23 isn’t that cold! I’ve run in colder!” BAH, and b) I don’t want to run inside because then the GPS can’t track me and draw my map and give me my average pace and whatnot and that’s what I like about RunDouble. I like stats so I can send pathetic emails to everyone I know who runs and whine, “Why is this so HAAAAARD! If I run a 10 min/mile my ankles HUUUUURT! Tell me what to DOOOO!” Oh, and c) I would have had to shave my legs to run in shorts. Also d) I don’t have a thingie to hold my phone which has the app on it.
The run itself was a disaster. I wore a different jacket made out of thin down and it made an annoying noise when I swung my arms back and forth. I discovered it didn’t have a pocket on the inside for my phone and so I had to put it in the outside pocket which makes the coat swing. Then I didn’t trust the app and stopped to check it obsessively during warm up because it seemed like it should have prompted me to run already. That ruined my flow. THEN something went wrong on my second three-minute run and I got this…I wouldn’t call it pain exactly, but kind of like a weakness in my left hamstring and I just couldn’t keep going. I wasn’t winded or anything, my leg just wouldn’t work. A cramp, maybe? Or hamstring cancer? And it was cold and my face was frozen and it was not a satisfying exercise experience at all. Why don’t I just do fucking Zumba?
I have oak paneling and beams in my 1970s house. Am I supposed to remove it? I didn’t think that was, like, POSSIBLE. Plus, it’s the light-colored kind, which I like to think is moderately less offensive. What if it comes back into fashion and I rue the day I put a zillion dollars’ worth of oak out by the curb for the pickers?
I also have MAUVE carpeting in my bedrooms. True story.
You never fail to crack me up. Stenciling designs on the walls and taking pictures with a fancy camera… who does that?
We removed our old carpeting when we had our old cat Shooter who had diabetes and a resulting peeing problem. We put down tile. It’s cold. But! I have been wanting carpeting now that he is gone but husband does not want it because he thinks we keep things cleaner when we can see the dirt. Like, hahahaha. But anyway, wait till I tell him how much the hardwood costs! But then he is a handyman and thinks he can do it himself so what am I gonna do? I have a lot of buts in this comment, don’t I?
Your running stories make me tired. Really.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B004ABJV1E/ref=aw_cr_item_title?qid=1327366334&sr=8-3
Iphone armband for less than $5?
ok..so i have had a couple drinks.. wtf does twss stand for?
How much does carpet cleaning cost? How often do you have to vacuum? I always consider my obligations over the long term. If the thing is going to create more housework or less.
My preference has always been hardwood floors and oriental wool throw rugs. Easy peasy to care for. But I hear you on the cost.
Again, I admire you for running. I cannot run because of my knees but I also hate running and always felt grouchy and hard done by during most of my runs. I think I experienced runner’s high once and it was great. I hate most exercise, so I stick to power walking – which doesn’t hurt – and short workouts with Jillian Michaels (videos) who beats people to death but only for a few minutes at a time. I also do short bursts of weight lifting at home.
That’s What She Said = TWSS
Thanks for making me laugh, as per usual. Enjoy the fancyish housing upgrades!
Gina, thank you. Execrable: Another new word to look up. Fun and Annoying! Belated Happy New Year Jane!
Thanks for returning to posting and making me laugh!
Could Greeley possibly have a urinary tract infection? It is unusual for male cats. I’ve had several who have sprayed indoors in very obvious places who were diagnosed with infections. It’s their way of saying, hey lady, whatta you going to do about this? That would be oh-so-lovely because it’s fixable.
(Note to self: Ha. Read first before hitting send.) It ISN’T unusual for male cats to get urinary tract infections. And I can’t remember ever typing “urinary tract infections” so many times in such a short period of time.
I’m oh-so-sure you are looking for more advice today (*ahem*) but I dealt with a cat pee situation last year in an elderly cat and it turned out to be kidney disease. It’s super common with the seniors (lol) and starts off realllll slow like but then 10 months later you are having to replace every_single_damn_carpet in your *ENTIRE* house because they just can NOT control that shit when it starts getting more advanced, sorry to say.
Keep an eye on it, get him a blood test to check things out or, if you want to go all cheapy-cheapy on it at first, get him a bag of the kidney prescription food and see if he feels better on it. Totally worth it because you’ll save thousands if you figure it out BEFORE the carpet is installed…and maybe even more on top of that because I also had to throw out every throw rug, cat bed, AND a mattress before things came to their, uhhhh, natural conclusion. Just my two-totally-not-asked-for-cents. 
(I don’t miss the carpets, btw. Whole house is now tiled or wood floor and it was worth EVERY SINGLE PENNY after last year’s never ending, CSI-style cat nightmare. So much easier to clean.)
What color IS the “classiest” carpet color?
We had oak wainscoting in our last house, does that count as paneling? Also wallpaper, which has gone out of favor. So in this house, all the walls are painted a light coffee color with white trim. And off-white ceilings. OH! Ask your decorator about ceiling color! That always sparks a lively debate. Also we have hardwood floors. One of the perks? The cats running and losing traction. Heh.
I dream of the day I no longer have to deal with carpeting…HATE the maintenance..hate the need to steam clean it…hate the stains ..the smell ..ALL OF IT. I’d rather have 50′s style linoleum, swearz. At this point I really care less about what looks stylin’ and am all about being tired of losing hours of my life CLEANING that which is stylin’…Takes 5 minutes to swiffer/mop my kitchen …takes 30 to haul out a vacuum, move stuff..pick up detritus the vacuum won’t etc. I like having pets and while none of my cats are currently spraying having “accidents”..there is still the occasional barf/hairball so..yeah..give me area rugs or give me death or a maid I guess. Can you tell I just spent a week using a rental steamer in every room ?
!!
I’m so glad you’re blogging all regular again Jane…it’s like cleansing my palate to come over here and read sensible / nonsensical entries. You are such a good storyteller. AND you even let your commenters tell each other to go fuck themselves. Is a BONUS
the interior decorating comment was the best. When did: technicolor secondary hues and mismatching vases with a single flaming red African Gerbera daisy become “decorating”?
Zumba is from the devil. I tried twice and failed miserably. Every time I turned around I was facing the whole class as I was facing the wrong way!
I hate it when I wear something that makes the swishy-shishy noise when I run. I hate it even more if I run with someone who makes clompy-clompy noises.
hamstring cancer.
at least you wouldn’t have to shave your legs???